Below is a list compiled over the years of commonly used terms within the BDSM/Kink Communities. This should get you started in understanding what others are talking about at the very least. It is by no means an all inclusive list and meanings can change over time and from location to location. If you find a term is missing, please leave us a comment and we will get it added as appropriate. If you are negotiating or hear a term and it seems different from what you know, please ask them to define the words as they see them.
Aftercare When a scene/play is over, aftercare is the emotional and physical care that’s administered. Proper aftercare may be used to prevent a drop.
Age Play When one person takes on an older role and one person takes on a younger role, such as a father-daughter scenario.
BDSM An umbrella term used to describe a practice that involves the use of physical control, psychological power, or pain. It typically includes the components of bondage and discipline, domination and submission, or sadism or masochism.
Bondage and Discipline A type of BDSM practice that incorporates bondage (tying, binding, or restraining someone) and discipline (punishing a partner when they break a rule).
Bottom The person in a scene who follows the orders and receives the sensations.
Breath Play A form of play when one participant controls the breath of another partner. This may include choking or holding the breath.
Consent Agreeing to certain acts in a BDSM scene or relationship. Practitioners believe that consent is what separates BDSM from assault.
Consensual Non-monogamy an umbrella term describing any relationship in which all participants explicitly agree to have multiple concurrent sexual and/or romantic relationships. The specific agreements can vary significantly, and there are terms that help capture some of those differences, such as polygamy, swinging, open relationships, monogamish, polyamory, and relationship anarchy.
Contract An arrangement that outlines the rules and structures of a BDSM relationship. It may be written or oral.
Dom A dominant. Someone who is given power over another.
Domme A dominant who is female and/or embraces a feminine gender role.
Dominance and Submission (D/S) A term used in BDSM to describe power exchange between people.
Dominant A person who has the authority in a BDSM relationship or scene.
Drop The physical or emotional exhaustion that takes place after a scene/play. Both tops and bottoms may experience a drop. Crying, feeling sad, and physical shaking are all signs of a drop. Also called subdrop or topdrop
Dungeon A location where BDSM play takes place (usually in a person’s home or at a club).
Dungeon Monitor A person (or group of people) who supervises BDSM activities at a club or play party to make sure the acts are safe and consensual.
Edge Play BDSM acts that are considered more intense or dangerous, such as breath play.
Female Dominance When a female identifying person takes the dominant role in a BDSM relationship or scene/play.
Female Submission BDSM activity in which a female identifying person submits someone.
Fetish An obsession with a specific experience, body part, or object.
Fetish Wear The clothing worn by those who practice BDSM (can include leather, lace, latex or other role-playing costumes).
Gender Play A type of BDSM play when an individual in a scene takes on the role of the opposite gender.
Hard Limits An activity that a person absolutely won’t do. A hard limit can’t be negotiated.
Impact Play A type of BDSM play that involves striking the body. This can be done with a hand, paddle, cane, whip, flogger, or other instrument.
Kink Nonconventional sexual practices. BDSM is often referred to as kink.
Master The person who has control over a slave in a consensual master-slave relationship.
Male Dominance BDSM acts when the dominant partner identifies as male, also called maledom.
Male Submission BDSM activities when the submissive participant identifies as male, also referred to as malesub.
Masochist An individual who likes or becomes sexually gratified by receiving pain, degradation and/or humiliation.
Munch An informal meeting or party, often at a public place, where people interested in BDSM can mingle. Think of this as getting together with friends for dinner and/or drinks.
Play A term used to describe the BDSM acts themselves. Also known as a scene
Play Party A social gathering where guests can engage in BDSM activity.
Pro Domme A female identifying person who is a professional top and dominant.
Protocol A rule or rules that people practicing BDSM agree to follow.
Risk Aware Consensual Kink (RACK) This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be risk aware, and consensual. This is different than SSC because some segments of the BDSM community feel “Safe” is unobtainable in the activities being performed inside of BDSM. Also there is some debate on if “Sane” is applicable.
Role Play When one or more people take on a different identity during a scene. Examples may include teacher-student, doctor-patient, or boss-employee role plays.
Sadist A person who enjoys or becomes sexually aroused by inflicting pain, degradation, and/or humiliation on someone else.
Safe, Sane, and Consensual (SSC) This phrase describes what the BDSM community considers ethical behavior. Kink enthusiasts stress that activities must always be safe, sane, and consensual.
Safe Word An agreed upon word or phrase that a bottom, sub, or slave can say during a scene/play to stop the activity or session immediately. The most universal safe word is “red,”. Some colors such as “yellow” can be agreed to mean “slow down”, or “check in”. Safewords are negotiated between participants.
Soft Limits A limit that’s more flexible than a hard limit. It might be an act that a person is hesitant to perform but may be willing to try.
Scene The actual BDSM activities or encounters that take place are known as a scene.
Slave A person who gives up total control of one or more parts of their life to a master.
Submissive Someone who submits to a dominant person in a BDSM relationship or scene/play. Submissive can be shortened to sub.
Switch A person who sometimes plays as a top and sometimes plays as a bottom in a BDSM scene.
Top The person who performs the BDSM acts in a scene.
Topping From the Bottom When a bottom tries to control a scene/play/relationship even though it was agreed that the top would be in charge.
24-7s When individuals in a relationship engage in some form of BDSM at all times (24 hours a day, 7 days a week).
Vanilla Used by people in the BDSM community to label people/behavior that doesn’t involve kink/BDSM.